We’re baaaaaaackk!! While watching the teaser for this week, it still amazes me how many of these people seem so surprised at the way this show works. Seriously, it’s been 11 years, how do you not know the process by now?! Sure, it’s probably much more stressful when you’re in the situation, but some of these girls seem to lack basic Bachelor knowledge. Ok, I’ll get off my soap box now and get on with the DRAMA!!!
Sidenote: Our predictions were confirmed, Victoria was our winner of the “Breakdown in the Bathroom” award. Every village has a crazy…looks like we found ours and One Pollo handled her like a pro – with a boot to the keister. Don’t exhale yet, though, you know someone else is going to surface soon…
This is actually Bachelor Week 3, but last week was my birthday weekend and we missed a lot, but the moral of the story is…we weren’t surprised by anyone who went home. In fact, we were more surprised that “Yeah, sure” girl GOT a rose!
Alrighty, then, DING, DING, DING!!! We have a guest participant tonight, Mommer. He’s a semi-willing participant, but this should be fun… aaaaaaaannnnnnndddddd. Let’s get on with this Journey (Mwahahahaha!)
Mommer: “When you say things like ‘she’s is like a little girl’, you’re being one too, so…”
Mommer: “You’re all surprised to see Chris Harrison…yeah, it’s hard to believe after 17 seasons.”
Cassandra gets the date and everyone keeps saying, “[He’s] not going to waste her time.” In other words, you’d better make this count or he’s going to send your ass packing!
After they’ve been driving a while and she keeps asking “WHAT are we DOING!?!” Mommer: “SURPRISE! I’m driving you home!”
How many people around there thought some crazy driver just drove into the water like a dumbass…it’s a jeep, it’s a boat, it’s SUPER ONE POLLO!
BamaBoy: “Yes, sicker….not more sick. This Cedar Fever keeps making me sicker and sicker….ugh.”
Mommer: “This sounds like a business deal…”work quickly to figure out where they stand”.
Mommer: “She’s only 21?! Is that even legal?!” BamaBoy: “At least she has a nice ass.” Classy, boys.
Mommer: “What feelings?! You’re on a game show! You’re too dumb to get on Jeopardy.”
I’m not sure where you stand on Cassandra, but I feel like kid or no kid, Cassandra isn’t ready to settle down with an older guy. She’s still a kid herself. BUT she gets the rose anyway. Well, let’s see where this journey (DRINK!) leads. Apparently, Mommer agrees “You haven’t felt this way since you’re first date when you were 18! So you have NO IDEA!!”
I just realized I have no idea what “Yeah, sure” girl’s name is….hmmmm not a good sign for her.
Mommer: “Why does he get a date with 10 girls?! I just need a date with 1!” Austin area Ladies? Ladies?!
“Those balls hurt.” “What if they hit you in the face?” “That’s a lot of balls.” “I’m going to break something.” “Now, we’re going to work on you.” Alright, Bachelor editors – you’re making it VERY hard to keep this somewhat clean.
Turns out, “Yeah, sure” girl’s name is Sharleen…and I only know that because poor Sharleen got hit by the ball a LOT during the 5-on-5 soccer game. Enough that One Pollo felt the need to step in to help.
BamaBoy: “Yay! The soccer game’s over!! Let’s go drink for FREE!!!” Woo hoo!
Uh oh, Nikki was sure no one had a better connection, but Andi got kisses in the kitchen and Sharleen has a make-out session in the middle of the field, much to the horror of the other “ladies”. What started out as the most awkward pairing EVER ha taken a turn once she kissed him. Hmm, suddenly more interested Sharleen?! And I find it horrifying that Sharleen is “surprised ” she cares about Nikki getting the rose. Soooooo, if you didn’t care at all and didn’t expect to why are you here again?! Oh, yeah, vacay!!!
Chelsie is off on her date and they have a mumbly dance party in the car…anyone focusing on the road? No? Safety last, I guess. While they dance party in their seat belts, Elise’s claws are out full force! Jealous much?! That’s cute.
So, first, One Pollo feeds Chelsie Venezuelan food and THEN we see that they’re going tandem BUNGEE JUMPING. That seems like a fantastic idea. I hope you REALLY like Venezuelan food, One Pollo, ‘cuz you’re about to have it again. All. Over. Your. Face.
She flips out and, In the words of SpongeBob…. 4 hours latah….they finally jump. And then, of course they kiss at the bottom. They DIDN’T DIE! Who doesn’t kiss at the bottom?! I mean, this one time, with Billy Crystal….oh, sorry….
Mommer: “Zzzzzzzz…..” Well, folks, we lost him and THAT pretty much sums up One Pollo and Chelsie’s date conversation.
One Pollo: “I had a pretty cool surprise for her.” BamaBoy: “No, ABC had a cool surprise for her.”
So, One Pollo surprises the girls by making breakfast and Kelly HIDES! Not looking good for your chances as a WIFE!! The other girls seem much less terrified of not having their “face on” for the guy they thinks they might marry. One Pollo cancels the cocktail party in lieu of a pool party! Yay! Until Kat decides to ride him like a pony. That got weird. Especially when he tried to “high five” her and grabbed a tit. Well, that’s close to a high five. They are huge. But not the same.
Anyway, one-on-one times and some of the “ladies” are getting emotional. Just wait, ladies, it’s going to come down to one! (They might not know that since they seem to have very little understanding of the overall process. Just trying to keep everyone informed here.)
On to the roses:
Cassandra, Nikki, and Chelsie already had roses. Andi, Renee, Kelly, Sharleen (Seriously?!), Elise, Kat (BTW, Clare I TOTALLY agree, Oh my god is right!), Allison, Clare, Lauren (from Austin, what what!), and Danielle get roses.
That means Lucy and Christy got the boot this week.
To be honest, I didn’t know who Christy was (sorry, honey!) and I didn’t recognize Lucy with her clothes on so I guess it was bound to happen.
See you soon, I promise more teacher-stuff soon!
-T (and BamaBoy) Mommer would say goodnight but he’s sleeping on the couch.
Disclaimer: BamaBoy, Mommer and I are in no way affliated with ABC or The Bachelor. I have just dragged them into my girly guilty pleasure show and they are semi-willing participants in the drama that ensues. We have not been compensated in any way (wine, snacks or otherwise…hint, hint!) for our comments, observations and general “catty”, mean girl sides.