BamaBoy is starting this week in hot water. So far, my Bachelor-watching has been delayed by “The Wolverine” (although watching Hugh Jackman fight ninjas and a few shirtless ab shots was kinda worth it) AND NOW cooking shows (Dos!!!) – Grrrrrr. At least he’s willing to refill my wine and bring me a chocolate cookie. AND, I just found out our district is operating on a 2-hour delay tomorrow (because people in Central Texas get super-NUTS in freezing weather) so I get to sleep in! Hallelujah!!
On another note, Mommer was geared up to join us tonight (see, he can’t resist!), but alas, he has been bitten by the Cedar Fever bug and is down for the count tonight.
Anyway, One Pollo says goodbye to Camila and his family and everybody heads for South Korea. I’m feeling a “Gangnam Style” dance party comin’ on….”Heeeeeeyyyyyy, sexy”……no? BamaBoy says no.
BamaBoy: “Look how excited they are about vacations. You didn’t see that coming, either?! I smell bullshit.”
Girls-with-TONS-of-luggage MONTAGE!! BamaBoy:”Yes, this is INSANE!” Random Girl:”There’s so many SHOE stores!!” Glad to see our priorities are straight. AND date card!!
Side note: Nikki, ALL the girls hope their name is on the one-on-one date card, honey. MAYBE those 5 other girls think you’re annoying, too. And from the intro, I’m gonna guess Clare agrees.
Nice faux-hawk, One Pollo. Guess, he’s becoming more Pollo by the minuto! (Hahaha, see what I did there?) Guess he’s trying to go more Gallo (that means rooster, peeps!) Nevermind, they’re going on a K-Pop Dance Party Date, not Gallo.
BamaBoy: “Nice pink shoes.” *Do I sense jealousy?! Father’s Day ideas!!
So the girls meet 2NE1, THE K-Pop stars in South Korea and learn a dance for *big surprise* their show tonight! Kat takes the lead as HBIC (Head Bitch in Charge, hello!) and proceeds to tell us how AMAZEballs she is at dancing. Nikki puts it beautifully with, “If there was a sign that said, ‘I am the best at this’ I’m sure she would put it on her forehead.” We couldn’t agree more, Nikki. I spend the rest of dance practice really hoping Kat high-kicks herself in the face. Oh wait, her leg won’t make it through the boob force-field. Dang.
Dance Time! At a mall. Kat thinks they all came to see her. Wow. I kinda hope she’s watching this from under a rock. I especially like Nikki’s version of Kat’s dance. Nailed it! (BamaBoy: “I’m starting to like her.”)
Kat needs to tell us, AGAIN, that she wants that rose. We KNOW. BamaBoy: “Oh, yes, tell us again about your amazing dance moves.” Kat tells us her Dad was an alcoholic for his ENTIRE life (BamaBoy: “Like out of the womb? How did THAT work out?”) and that her “mom made lemons…no, lemonade out of lemons.” Quality time.
The girls sit around and sadly, Nikki begins a smack-talking circle of 1. No, Nikki, no! We like you!! Be catty QUIETLY! Have you learned NOTHING!! UGH. Her one-on-one time goes well because she’s being normal again. She gets the rose and ALL the other cat claws come out. Elise, “Egh, yuck”? That might be a bit much, but to be fair, Nikki burned some bridges with that smack-talk rant. We shall see!
Sharleen (remember, “Yeah, sure” girl?) gets the one-on-one date. This should be interesting. I have to agree with Sharleen(red flag?!?!) and Clare that I’m not seeing the chemistry. Like, at ALL. I will be shocked if she gets a rose.
As expected, the date is SUPER awkward! Usually, the tourist dates where couples get to explore the city are the best and most laid-back. Well, except for Ashley and Ryan P’s Tankless Water Heater date…yeah, this is kind of like that. THEN, he makes her sing for him…the Awkward Meter just broke. I’m pretty sure she’s just into the kissing.
BamaBoy: “She seems bland.” Yes, very. One Pollo says they have so much in common. BamaBoy: “No, you don’t.” Agreed.
According to the two of them, they “get each other” – I’m not “getting” it. Ooooh, the kids convo. Has a pin been pulled? Seems like it. Glad she told the truth, but despite all those “At the time”s I’m not sure she’s selling that she’s ready for kids and family now. And he STILL GIVES HER THE ROSE…..hold on. I need to find my jaw. It’s on the floor, probably covered in dog hair. And he says she could be his “soul mate”…oooop! There it goes again.
Commercial break and I’ve recovered (some) in time for the 2nd group date of the week. The girls and One Pollo are going to explore Seoul with some karaoke – YES!! This is going to get much better!! BamaBoy is too distracted by the wallpaper: “I seriously think my grandmother had that wallpaper in her bathroom.”
Next, they all jump in a swan mini-boat and the clown car references are just too easy. I can’t. Then, they go to get fish pedicures (Apparently, Texas banned these in October 2008. I had no idea.) and the girls freak out. They’re about an inch long. Yeah, they look like real man-eaters. Clare plays the “dainty, scaredy-cat” card over her tiny piece of octopus and gets One Pollo to hand feed it to her. Not cute, Clare. You’re 32.
It’s one-on-one time and here are a few notes:
– Renee’s time was a little awkward, but it’s not a bad thing for their relationship to move more slowly. That might end up being a great thing for them!
– Clare needs to remind us that she had the first date and the first kiss.
– We totally missed Allison’s one-on-one. Must have been riveting, but leave it to Clare to ask if they kissed.
– Andi wants to know more about One Pollo. We find out they’re both smart asses, my kind of people! They seem to get along well and it doesn’t seem forced.
– The girls begin cataloging One Pollo’s kissing partners, it becomes competitive and Lauren “needs” a kiss.
– Lauren flat out asks for a kiss and gets REJECTED!!! Ouch! He has good reason (Don’t slut it up in front of the children!) but it still stings Lauren. Then, she lost me when she implies that One Pollo won’t find someone “good for him” since he didn’t kiss her…we might be taking this a little hard…just sayin.
– BamaBoy walked back in during Lauren’s cry session and asked, “Who the f— is that?” Exactly.
– Clare’s possessive, but then tells One Pollo she “threw up in her mouth” after eating the octopus. Yum! Guess we don’t have to worry about him kissing you!
– Andi gets the rose – good choice!!
Everyone grab a cocktail! We’re going to party and shamelessly fight to the death for attention!! Wee haw, bitches!
– First of all, they never really show Kelly and One Pollo together talking. That’s not a good sign.
– Clare’s conversations never seem genuine now. I liked her a lot in the first date, but now, I’m not buying it.
– Nikki hijacks Clare’s “time” even though she has a rose. Well, we can’t help you now, girl. You put the target on your own back, sister. And the “ladies” are armed and ready.
– Clare calls Nikki out in an anti-climactic talk. Sparks were really….fizzling.
Ding, ding, ding – Rose time!
Sharleen, Nikki, and Andi already have roses.
One Pollo talks to the “ladies” about the week and making tough decisions.
Renee, Chelsie, Kelly (really?!), Danielle (seriously?! I didn’t even know she was still here!), Cassandra (her either), Allison, Clare, and…Chris Harrison, thank God, I never would have known about that final rose…Kat get roses.
Lauren and Elise are going home. Not all that surprised, but I thought Danielle, Kelly or Cassandra would have gone before them. Ah well, gotta weed’em out sooner or later!
BamaBoy: “Quit crying, ‘cuz you didn’t win.”
Lauren is looking for the elusive “love” and asking for a kiss wasn’t it. Sorry, babe, you’re coming back to Austin!
One Pollo and the “ladies” are leaving Seoul for Vietnam. Clips of Lieutenant Dan and Forrest just flashed in my head…if only. Alas, they are too pampered for all that outdoors. Catty, catty, blah, blah, Clare tries to sneak over to One Pollo’s room and then things get very teary. Is it as dramatic as the preview suggests? Probably not, but we’ll be watching anyway!
Also, my favorite part of this season so far is One Pollo’s lip sync debut to 2NE1’s song at the end. FUNNYYY!!!
We’ll see you “ladies” and gents next week! If you have any ideas for new “trigger words”, let us know. “Journey” seems to have run it’s course, thank goodness!!
Until next week,
-BamaBoy and T
Disclaimer: BamaBoy and I are in no way affiliated with ABC, The Hollywood Gossip or The Bachelor. We are shamelessly baring our Bachelor-loving souls for the rest of the world and Al Gore’s internet. (We are also NOT affiliated with Al Gore, whew!) We are also (still) not being compensated in any way for our truly enlightening (snort.) observations and commentary – the wine we bought ourselves. Boo.