Well, you know how Mondays generally suck? They suck even more when you have a stomach virus! Not only did my alarm not go off this morning so I started my day in a rush, but then I couldn’t keep liquids down for most of the day. Not fun. At least now, I’ve managed to eat a pork taco, thanks Mommer! Hopefully, I’ll start feeling better soon. Sorry ahead of time if this week’s a little less “full of life” – I’m trying, here! On the bright side, we’ve brought in another neighbor. We’ll call her J. She’s fun and she’s agreed to join us for this week’s Monday Night “Lady” Fights!
Tonight, we’re headed to Miami with One Pollo and the “ladies” and now it’s really real….
Of course, we have to visit Camila first. Mommer: “I’m kind of over them using his kid for ratings.”
J: “I’m waiting for the gay Bachelor.”
BamaBoy: “We had that. It was Jake’s season.” OUCH!
After a discussion about how Bachelors are selected, J: “So they pick losers…like you lost, here’s your prize.” Kinda, yeah…pretty much!
Sharleen has the first one-on-one date, which seems to be a good thing, so she can figure out why she’s here.
J: “She’s not sure why she’s here?!”
J: “What’s a ‘science educator’? They’re not called teachers in Ohio?”
Mommer: “I’m sticking with the McDonald’s date – it’s more realistic.”
Here’s the thing: The only time Sharleen’s happy is when she’s attached to One Pollo’s face. Otherwise, she’s wanting to go home. This is not a good foundation for a relationship. You can’t be attached to his face all the time. Also, she wasn’t sure she wanted to settle down before this and she’s never really been motivated to be a mom…HELLO?!?!
The sad thing is One Pollo is definitely drinking the Sharleen kool-aid and this isn’t going to end well. Hopefully, for his sake, sooner rather than later.
BamaBoy: “DAMN, she’s got big ears. I bet One Pollo is happy he gets HBO when she’s around!”
J: “Shhhh!! She can hear you!!”
BamaBoy: “She’d better be careful or she’s going to turn and pick up the naughty channels!“
Sharleen still can’t make up her mind. Well, she’d better. And quickly!
Yes, please talk it out with Renee, so she can tell your ass to pack it up.
Nikki’s up and there’s already been a close-up crotch shot. Way to go, camera guy.
One Pollo tells her they’re going to Camila’s dance recital and she looks pretty terrified.
Nikki gets to meet his family and Camila’s mom (who looks pissed!) and she says it’s all so “mind-blowing”.
J: “I think that’s all the bleach in your hair, honey!”
They drive into the Marlin’s stadium. J: “They’ve had a shitty season. Of course, they’ll let anyone just drive in there. There’s actually a game going on RIGHT now!” Bahahaha! They just needed seat fillers.
Mommer: “He just keeps staring at her tits.”
J: “Well, you don’t wear a shirt like that without knowing that’s going to happen.”
Sharleen finally tells all the “ladies”(have you seen the preview for the “lady fight” in a few minutes?!) how she’s feeling and she’s ready to talk to One Pollo. She’s got her bags packed and she’s FINALLY made up her mind.
Why is she whispering?! You know they’re still going to air this, right?! Now we have to read it, too. THANKS.
Mommer: “He is a rather suave gentleman. He’s so nice and genuine.”
J: “Why are we still whispering?”
Sharleen leaves and One Pollo can’t say enough nice things about her and her honesty. Good for him, but good for her for finally being honest about her feelings. Except that she ruined it by saying, “I just wish I didn’t have to make choices.”
J:”It’s called LIFE!”
Chelsie, Renee, Andi and Clare have the group date. They are taking a seaplane to the beach. Chelsie shares the notes her family wrote her with One Pollo and he loves them. Andi can only talk about the rose. And we’re spending yet ANOTHER one-on-one time with One Pollo comforting her and reassuring her. THAT’s getting old and I’m NOT dating her!
J: “It would save a lot of time if she’d just take an anti-depressant.”
Clare has turned into a spoiled brat. Has she EVER been told no?!
J: “Look, even God’s crying after listening to Clare.”
Andi gets what can’t help but feel like a pity rose. Of course, Clare is pissed. Hey, Clare, your evil bitch horns are showing again. You might wanna cover those back up.
J: “If she’s like this now, she’s not going to handle being a step mom very well AT ALL! She’s got to GO!”
Andi and One Pollo head to a concert and begin dancing in front of everyone. Awkward. Mostly because she’s not moving her feet.
Meanwhile, back in Clare’s “castle”, Clare’s in full bitch-mode. Go figure, she’s disappointed she didn’t get the rose. Nikki leaves the room and Clare needs to pick a fight. Clare is not okay with Nikki “getting to be a bitch all the time” – tired of sharing the pedestal much?
Mommer: “Zzzzzzz….” Looks like last week was a fluke.
Cocktail Party Rundown:
BamaBoy: “‘I need to see this guy’? Why can’t Chelsie just say she wants One Chicken to meet her family.”
Nikki thinks she already has a rose. Now she’s beginning to sound like Clare.
Please stop talking.
Nikki and Clare are left alone together and you can literally hear crickets and a truck backing up.
BamaBoy: “Where’s the Jeopardy theme song when you need it.”
Thank GOD for Chris Harrison!
One Pollo tells Chris Harrison he’s going to “try to think”.
J: “Go try, honey.”
Andi already has a rose.
Chris Harrison, “Here comes Juan Pablo.”
J: “Wait, he’s coming? Are you sure?”
Nikki, Clare, and Renee get roses.
BamaBoy: “Where was Chris Harrison? How were we supposed to know it was the FINAL ROSE?!”
Chelsie’s going home.
J: “Good, science educator…pffffffft.”
J: “That’s right, Clare. It should have been you.”
For being new to Bachelor Night, she sure catches on quickly!!
BamaBoy on Chelsie wanting a partner in crime: “Why do you want to be a criminal?! Maybe that’s why he didn’t pick you. You know he has trouble with figures of speech!”
TWO NIGHTS!!! WOOHOO!!!
Wait, fantasy suite?! What?
Oh, and our bet is that One Pollo overheard Andi’s poop noises and that’s what went “horribly wrong”.
Alright, well, despite feeling awful all day, tonight was pretty fun and Monday Night “Lady” Fights didn’t disappoint, once again. Here’s to a better week and that no one else gets my “funk”.
This is the final sentence…
Disclaimer: BamaBoy, Mommer, J and I are in no way affiliated with The Bachelor, ABC, or McDonald’s. We are not being compensated in any way for our random musings and catty behavior, although we’d be willing to barter for snacks! ; )